This year’s Mental Health Awareness Week’s theme is kindness. In these uncertain times we have seen an escalation of kindness between strangers and within our communities.
Kindness gives us hope and helps us reconnect with our fellow human beings.
We have all seen this play out in some way; the supermarket supervisor letting a nurse in ahead of the queue or that friendly hello as you go for a walk in your village. All these things remind us that we are not alone, that we are part of a community and that people do care about us.
Right now, it’s easy to be kind to each other – we are all struggling and suffering, and we can truly sympathise with those who have been personally affected by the pandemic.
As a therapist, I often find myself saying to people, “be kind to yourself.” For some reason we find it easier to be kind to others, to be supportive and compassionate but we seem to find being kind to ourselves more difficult.
Growing up, many of us were told we shouldn’t be selfish, so we put others first, often, to our own detriment. As parents, we naturally put our children first to protect and care for them – for most of us, it’s our natural instinct. But, as parents, we also need to take care of ourselves – we are no good to anyone, including our children, if we allow ourselves to fall apart while taking care of them. Somewhere amidst caring for our children and families, we also need to be kind to ourselves.
Rainbow Trust Children’s Charity understands this and supports the whole family with a child with a life-threatening or terminal illness. Family Support Workers support parents because they see their selflessness in caring for their sick child. They run themselves ragged ensuring their child is getting everything they need to survive. The emotional support and respite Family Support Workers give to parents and grandparents is so important because without it, they would be unable to care for their child.
So why don’t we take care of ourselves as well as we do others? Aren’t we all as important as each other? Don’t we deserve to be cherished and nurtured too? Who else is going to do it if not us? On an aeroplane, the captain tells us to put our oxygen mask on first before helping our children. While this goes against our instinct, it makes perfect sense – make yourself strong so you can help your child or the person next to you. The same applies in life – we cannot help anyone if we aren’t strong and that means taking care of ourselves too.
Being kind to ourselves can be giving ourselves that break we need but don’t feel we deserve; that coffee after a difficult conversation or that day out with a friend where all you have to do is be. By nurturing and being kind to ourselves, we are better able to cope and survive.
Sometimes being selfish is allowed. We are so good at doing what works for others and often not what works for us. It doesn’t mean being self-centred, it just means listening to the voice inside us telling us what we need, not what society tells us, but what we need. That voice inside us knows what is best for us – be kind to ourselves too.
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